Why You Should Never Ask Airquotes for Card Ideas

On August 3, 2015, something terrible happened: Enterplay asked me to design a card for an upcoming set in the company’s fledgling My Little Pony Collectible Card Game.

Since this was far outside my skillset, I decided to handle designing for the game the same way I handle playing the game: By vomiting out one terrible plan after another until something somehow works.

Here are some cards you definitely won’t be seeing in a future set:

Fluttershine, a fake MLP CCG card

 

Rejected because: OCs are not allowed.


Picture of a smiling barn

 

Rejected because: I missed the boat on the Song cycle of cards.


MLP CCG ripoff of MTG's Crucible of Fire

 

Rejected because: Dragons are already too powerful.


Scootaloo Vagrant Mane Character

 

Rejected because: Some people found this mildly offensive.


Original Character Pony Card

 

Rejected because: Players might accidentally cut themselves on all that edge.


Fluttershy Conscription, a custom MLP CCG card

 

Rejected because: Actually, this might be a printable card.


The Friend Zone, a custom MLP CCG Card

 

Rejected because: This is one ship that will never sail.


Rom, the Vacuous Spider, a custom MLP CCG Card

 

Rejected because: What even is this?


Get Schwifty custom MLP CCG Card

 

Rejected because: Too complicated.


Sweltering Heat, a custom MLP CCG Card

 

Rejected because: There’s already a card with that name. Yeah, that’s the reason.


Airquotes Airquotes is a snarky, sarcastic source of useful opinions that are never wrong. His author is some sort of published journalist or whatever.

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